Coming out to my Christian Parents and other hilarious anecdotes from my youth by Suicide Blonde
“Are you mad at me?” I asked her fearfully.
“Oh no. The homosexuality we can cure. It’s this witchcraft we’re worried about.”
She said this with complete confidence. (My family would attempt to dissuade my ‘lifestyle choices’ as she would later call them, but that’s a story for another time.) The assurance with which she spoke this sentence shocked me in a way that still resonances now. I repeated it in my head for days, months afterwards, trying to actualize that she would honestly believe this. It didn’t fully hit home for me until a couple of years later when helping my parents pack, I found books about ‘converting homosexuals’ in my Dad’s office. I had been out of the house over a year at this point, awed by the freedom of my own space. Seeing these books pulled me right back down again, reminded me that this was not something that my parents accepted, not in the slightest. All their affirmations of parental love, their insistence that they still did love me no matter were proved false by their actions. They didn’t accept this part of me. There were conditions on their love. My mom told me once a few months after I came out that she ‘loved me but hated the gay part of me.’ This is not love. Love accepts all parts and judges not.
My parents continuous refusal to accept and love who I really am is something I had to work through during most of my twenties. I allowed myself to feel anger, betrayal, abandonment, and lived with those negative emotions inside me for a long time. It wasn’t until I saw ignorance as a cage they were seemingly forever trapped in that I was able to not attach their limitations to my sense of self. I have never made excuses or apologies for their treatment of me, rather felt pity towards them. They refuse to change their minds on basic human emotions, hide behind their prejudices – these are facts I can’t change about them. All I can change is how I will not allow their ignorant opinion to determine my reaction to those around me.
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